I stumbled on this site and few months ago (
www.holdempoker.com) I went back and read it again, its hilarious. I just want to share it with you guys! :)
PLAYER PROFILES
The Rock = Passive + Tight + Pro
By far the tightest player of any table. The rock barely plays any hands at all. Aces and kings he loves, though. And when he gets them, he knows exactly how to play them. He is a good reader of the game who risks very few unexpected, big losses. He knows when his aces have been cracked.
The Mad Hatter = Loose + Casual + Aggressive + Loud Mouth
This complete nut job is the biggest fish of all! Either he doesn’t have a clue how to play, or he just doesn’t care. And gladly informs everyone that he thinks “Poker is just like Scrabble”. He bets every hand and raises even more, while constantly asking questions like “I have a four card flush, is that any good? Oh.”
The Loose Grinder = Loose + Einstein
The weekend regular who plays mainly for fun, hoping to edge out a little profit by the end of the night. He has picked up some skills during all his sessions, and can, on a lucky night, be a real force. Not to be underestimated, but never to be overestimated either.
The Professor = Tight + Aggressive + Pro
The guy to avoid at all times. He understands the cards, he knows how to play them and does so mercilessly. He hasn’t read the books though. He wrote them. But he will lay them aside when necessary. Don’t try and bluff this guy. Don’t try to outplay him. Actually don’t play him at all. Become him.
Calling Station = Loose + Passive (tsssssssssssssss........)
Next stop Suckerville. Newcomers to the game of poker often find themselves acting like calling stations, staying in pots as long as there is a chance, albeit remote, of winning it. They don’t care about their odds or their outs. If there’s a chance, well, then there’s a chance. “Might as well” and “I paid you this far so...” are typical calling station expressions.
The Student = Hibernator + Tight + Einstein
This guy takes his poker dead seriously. He has, however, yet to build a stack big enough for the large games and most profitable tournaments. So he has to be careful not to bust. He practises a lot and plays strictly by the book. He is still inexperienced, though, and due to his rather rigid game, he risks facing some very severe bad beats. Something that can send him into tilt fidgets.
The Pretender = Chameleon + Aggressive + Loud Mouth
This is the dodgy fellow that makes all the other players tilt. He pretends and plays like he is a mad hatter, but he’s got your game read like an open book with thirty feet letters in it. He lures people in with his seemingly idiotic raises and bluffs and just when people are about to stack the pot, the pretender reveals some absolute crap starting hand he knew would win all along. While HE then stacks the pot the other player has to settle for a good steam.
The Texan Terror = Loud Mouth + Loose + Casual (+Drunk)
This guy will abuse his opponents, his cards, his seat and when that is not enough, the software, the poker room and the rest of the world, too. If he wins he will gloat a ton. If he loses he will either just shrug it off or kill you. Then he’ll buy in again for the maximum allowed limit. The Terror is often filthy rich and lets you know it.
Miss Mystery = Chameleon + Pro + Hibernator
The perfect covert strategy for players deemed to be underestimated. Happily plays along making stupid comments and sometimes intentionally making bad calls. All the while figuring the others out and making sure to win the really big pots – off course, without seeming to know it. Keeps a very low profile, in fear of the act being revealed.
PLAYING STYLES
Although there are just about unlimited ways to play any given poker hand, there are certain characteristic mindsets that players have that enables us to define a number of basic player styles. In other words, based on a player’s general tactical approach towards the game and his general mindset, players can be divided into a number of categories. Understanding these categories and learning their do’s and don’ts is vital to succeed in poker.
Tight / Loose
The tight player plays less starting hands, opting to wait for prime hand cards like pocket pairs. On an unlucky day he could be waiting for hours, but if so he will still not loose much. The loose player is less selective and sees opportunities instead of obstacles. This is a much riskier approach demanding a bigger understanding of the game to succeed. But he is guaranteed to always be in on the action.
Passive / Aggressive
The passive player is careful and cautious. Even if he has a good hand he will take it easy, aware of the costs if the hand is beaten anyway. Thus he is difficult to trap. The aggressive player, off course, acts the opposite. If he thinks he’s got a winning hand, he’ll go for it. This adds a beneficial bluff factor to his game.
Einstein / Chameleon
Einstein plays by the numbers. He usually has a book, or an odds chart, readily in hand. His goal is to play his hands according to the odds calculations and guidelines set forth in mentioned books. The chameleon player is more concerned about his fellow players. He tries to play his game based on how they play theirs. Shifting and adjusting all the time.
Pro / Casual
The pro player tries to play his game thinking like a pro – evaluating his every decision. The casual player has got a slightly more relaxed attitude towards the game. Although the pro approach, naturally, is a pretty good one, it can be tough thinking it’s the WSOP finale, when everyone else plays for fun. The Pro may find himself facing a lot of unexpected cards – take some weird losses and tilt.
Loud Mouth / Hibernator
The loud mouth talks and talks and then talks some more. He is attempting to throw his opponents off balance by constantly commenting hands, arguing moves and debating last Sunday’s football game. The hibernator is – silent. He plays, loses and wins without a single word. By combining these you will be able to define just about every single player out there. And as soon as you got them figured out, you will have an edge knowing in advance how they are likely to react.
Now you know which type of player you are! hehehe :)
